Transformers 2 Review wait no just general things coming out of my mouth

So as I said in my last post.....that was....oh 10 seconds ago huh......anyway I'm going to review Transformers

So there are 2 ways to review this movie:

1.From the view of a 10 year old

2. From my view wich will be most peoples view from 14 and up

So first because it will be amazingly short I will first review the movie from the view of a 10 year old..

SPOILER ALERT

Opening Credits....

Yaay Transformers!!!

Yaay blowing stuff up

OPTIMUS PRIME!!!!!!!!

Stop zooming in on that girl she has cooties

Noooooooo Optimus cant die Nooooooo

Who cares there's stuff blowing up

Yaay the desert!!!

Yaay more stuff blowing up

hahahahahahahah he said scrotum LOL!!

Optimus is back yay

yaaaay Autobots win yay

End Credits

So that is how my 10 year old mind saw it and for a movie for 10 year olds it is Citizen Kane or The Shawshank Redemption

But For me I am conflicted as I have a foot in both camps, I enjoyed the flashy SFX and explosions but the SFX just covered up the horrible dialogue

So where do I start

SPOILER ALERT

The movie begins with Optimus telling us how there are more Autobots on Earth now....ok I can accept that.

So he explains that the Autobots and the humans have created a division called NEST (obviously trying to link as many things from the cartoons into the movie as possible but as someone who never watched the cartoon I didnt get it)and NEST is looking for the remaining Decepticons.

So here comes our first problem ...an icecream truck appears so I'm like ok ??? then it starts talking....and instantly turns itself into the most racially insensitive character(characters I should say)in the universe of film .....thats right worse than Jar Jar Binks and if you have seen the movie you will know what I am talking about.

But I will not delve deeper into the evil that is the Transformers Twins instead I will continue the review, so Sam has to go to college and is packing while he is packing he touches a shard of the cube from the first movie wich is in his clothes and he hasnt noticed it for TWO YEARS wow big plot hole but lets move on and it is then when we lay eyes on Megan Fox whos is obviously just eye candy in this movie and she is needed to distract us from the horrible dialogue. So Sam goes to college and gets a lap dance by another piece of eye candy,he starts seeing symbols and has a breakdown in a class taught by ..........Dwight Shrute .....wait what no Dwight dont..... you are awesome in The Office please dont say anything not funny.

So the Dwight starts chatting up college girls ...not funny at all and Sam has a breakdown and starts to see symbols.

So after this Sam rushes back to his room the girl he gives a lap dance to tries to rape him??? and Megan Fox walks in ....OMG how could you cheat on Megan Fox...idiot....anyway the girl turns out to be a Decepticon tryng to kill Sam.

So Megatron comes back........yeah dont act surprised it was in the trailer, and tries to kill Sam ....Then Optimus and him have a flashy SFX fight scene ......(COMMENCE 10 YEAR OLD MODE) and Optimus dies ......dunh dunh duuuuuuunh so Sam is sad ok.

So after this I lost the plot apparently this Decepticon called the Fallen wants the sun for its energy so he has to blow it up????your guess is as good as mine.

Sam then proceeds to find another Prime so that he can defeat the fallen ....he finds that old FBI from the first movie and they go to the Museum of Air and Spaceand then for some reason the FBI guy has a G-String on ????? I am so confused but anyway they find another robot (JetFire) who tells them that The Matrix can bring Optimus back so they go to Egypt.

So in Egypt they find The Matrix and split up Sam and Megan Fox go to find Optimus who is in the desert just below the pyramids and the FBI guy and his friend go to....do something I'm not sure but while he's wearing that G-string anything could happen.

So it turns out that The Matrix can start the machine that the Fallen can use to blow up the sun so Megatron and the Fallen proceed to talk ontop of the pyramid and the The Autobots ,the Humans and the Decepticons fight (COMMENCE 10 YEAR OLD MODE).Sam makes it to where Optimus is lying dead and starts to run towards him but Meagatron shoots him in the back...OMG Sam noooooooooooo(Commence Celin Dion)

So Sam ends up in robot heaven ooook and they tell him that it was his destiny all along to revive Optimus ...they send him back and in an unnecissarily dramatic scene he stabs Optimus with The Matrix so Optimus comes back and absorbs Jetfire.

Meanwhile the FBI guy finds the coolest freaking Transformer ever and chases it up the pyramid he calls the military asks them to kill it so he's like do it and theyre like no...and he's like do it and theyre like ok so they are about to kill it and the FBI guy proceeds to rape comedy by saying(this is a direct quote) "I am directly beneath the targets scrotum" .........OMG wtf is going on in the scene you could see the robots metallic balls wtf???

So the big robot thing dies and we switch back to Optimus he is now badass from absorb Jetfire he then kills the Fallen in like 2 seconds and the movie is over....what an anti climax.

So where do I begin the acting was well ....bad like the first one ,it actually has all of the same problem the first one had it was trying to hard it should be a kickass SFX movie with a simple plot but it was trying to be Pulp Fiction, also my biggest gripe with the movie is you could not figure out who was a good guy and who was a bad guy unless you were a hardcore fan which I am not.

Transformers 1 i give 3 and a half stars for a story that i could follow but this one I dont know

It has cool SFX but I just didnt suck me in like I think SFX should ....I am conflicted because the 10 year old side of me loves it and the older side of me says meh another movie.

But for all its bad points it has kickass SFX and kickass robots and for that I give the movie

3 Stars out of five.